19 October 2009

Who ever told you life was fair?

I am still trying to become accustomed to our family's new *normalcy* since Malachy passed. I am no longer sobbing as I did the day he died. Or, the next day. Or that day after that. The sobbing has been replaced by warm, soft tears flowing down my cheeks.

There are moments when the pragmatism of his passing predominates my thinking. After all, death is part of life. We all experience loss. We all grieve. We all mourn.

I have experienced the passing of many whom I have loved with all of my heart...my parents, my grandparents, my uncle, my cousin, close friends, and dogs, after all.

Shouldn't I be a bit more stoic? Less sentimental? Less emotional? Less sad? Shouldn't all of these losses toughen me up a bit? Or, is it that these losses have caused me to react strongly to loss? I realize that I am *hyper-reactive* to loss. These losses have strengthened me greatly. They have also weakened me greatly.

Why do I grieve so for Malachy? He was not a human being, after all. So, why do I miss him so?

Why? Because. Because, he was my sweet boy. Because I truly loved him. Because, I still do.

Death is part of life and, despite it's wonder and magic, life is sometimes very painful.

I know, I know..I haven't forgotten that all important lesson my Mom would often remind her children, "whoever told you life was fair?"

Don't worry, Mom. I haven't forgotten what you taught me.

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